In the very front pew sat his wife. His young, beautiful, super-mom, sweet-spirited, church-serving wife. She sat in that pew, crying, and loving her husband.
For most of my life, I've considered adultery the "big" sin. I mean, yes, there's murder. That one's pretty big. But it's not something I really think I or my close loved ones will struggle with. Adultery, however, is everywhere. It's random. It's shocking. It hits marriages that have been strong as a rock for years. It's scared me.
Once, when Mark and I were praying together, he said, "Let us never be tempted to have an affair..." After the "amen" I jumped on that. "Are you tempted? Are you praying that because you're tempted? Are you thinking of having an affair? Are you HAVING an affair?! IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE?" It's a wonder I didn't drive him to having one just by my obsessive fear of it happening. His response was calm, of course. "No, Sweetheart. I just don't ever want either of us to even think about it. It's a prayer of protection. Prevention. That's all."
When I was very young, I remember a couple in our small church having marital struggles. I remember them getting a divorce, which was not as common and still a bit shocking back in those days. I remember asking what had happened and my mother said, "He betrayed their marriage." He had had an affair. In the years that passed, the same thing happened in other marriages. One spouse would cheat and the other would dissolve the marriage. And I fully supported this.
In fact, I didn't realize it at the time, but inside me was a growing hate for cheaters. I felt a burning anger every time I heard of someone having extra-marital relations and I found myself, as time wore on, championing the "true" spouse and all but helping them throw the "offender's" bags out the door.
The fear of being cheated on was proven true in several of my dating relationships. I don't know if I was just cheat-on-able or what, but I can only think of one guy who didn't cheat on me. Other than that, I was able to feed my self-righteousness more fodder for anger against "The Cheater"!
Yesterday's display of strength and commitment was not the first that I'd witnessed. A couple in this same congregation years ago went through something similar and I remember being awed by the fact that a divorce was not forthcoming. Again when I witnessed this family's undeniable faith and love yesterday I was moved.
My paradigm began to shift. My conscience broke. I have been the offender. I have made myself a judge. I, who usually love all and all alike, realized there was one sin in this world that I had withheld my forgiveness from. Adultery. I was just as wrong as the one confessing yesterday. And so I realized that if he could bring this to Light and make his sins known, I should do the same.
I know longer believe that cheating in a relationship is a "scoundrel-offense." It's a mistake. It's a big mistake that hurts many and brings damaging consequences. But it's a mistake. We all make mistakes. We all make big, embarrassing, regret-consuming mistakes. And we ALL fall under God's grace. His grace is sufficient.
I'm sorry for my attitude in the past. I want to do better. I want to love stronger.
