Therapy (1)

As promised, I'm reporting on my therapy session yesterday. It was my first one (of many, most likely) and if I had to wrap it up in one phrase, I'd say, "Intense relief." M.T. (My Therapist) is no joke. She gets it. She's intuitive and kind and can read me so well. After only one visit. But first things first. Her room is classic. Candles, plushy furniture, and yes, I got to sit on a couch. I had a flash of Bob Newhart all of a sudden and wanted to lay back and start telling all my woes. But I didn't. M.T. listened and I talked and I listened and she talked and we both listened and I cried and she earned her paycheck this day. Things I learned that I must pass along to all of you... You're never too old to feel you need permission for some things. You can give yourself permission. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel...to cry...to let go...to confront...to have crazy moments. Give yourself permission to break patterns. Give yourself permission to give yourself permission! Holding things in is not brave or stoic. It's destructive. Letting people see you cry is healthy for you AND them! Being brave and courageous just means you press on even when your bawling your eyes out. No one can do it alone. Everyone needs God. The sooner you give it to God, whatever it is, the sooner the healing can begin. Until then, you will plateau on a numb and ugly cliff; the edge of which you will be drawn daily. And this one is the kicker...the one that shocked me. I've read a lot of books, studied psychology in college, watched a ton of Criminal Minds...I know how it works. I mean, I can pretty much pinpoint problems and use reason and logic to sift out a solution. But what M.T. said at the end of our session kicked my tail. She said, "I'm not going to be writing any prescriptions for you in here. But I do have a requirement. Our therapy sessions are going to be intense. It's going to be hard. When you leave my office every week, you will feel like you've done battle; because you have! You will be mentally drained and physically weak. In order to truly heal and process and make that battle worthwhile, you MUST balance it out with something extraordinarily positive. I am requiring you to pamper yourself Thursday and Friday. You are not allowed to apologize for anything, feel obligated to anyone, or schedule any event. Thursday, you must leave my office and go for coffee...coffee someone makes for you; not from your coffee pot at home. You must buy yourself something or witness something beautiful. You go home then and you rest. You let yourself just rest. Friday, you will still be exhausted...but you must go do something for yourself. Manicure, pedicure, hairstyle, massage, five-star restaurant, etc. Something you would normally never do for yourself." My reaction..."Yeah. That would be nice." Her reaction to my reaction..."Kim, I'm serious. Let me put in this way. You must have this intense therapy and I mean INTENSE. If you DON'T balance it with the pampering afterwards, I'll drop you. I will not see you as a patient because to take this seriously means to treat your entire being." I drank a caramel machiatto yesterday and stopped at the nursery to buy petunias and marigold to plant in my front garden on Saturday. I decided to plant something new after every therapy session. In 20 minutes I'm going to a salon to get my hair completely redone. I'll post pictures soon! Give me your feedback...can't wait to hear your thoughts. Let strong be someone else's job today. Be weak and open and raw today.