Moving Away...

I am terrible at keeping in touch. I don't like talking on the phone. I don't take time to write letters. I do email but it's sporadic. If not for FaceBook, I probably wouldn't share and converse at all. I have a friend that is the exact same way. We live in two different states and see each other very rarely. When we do see each other, it's like we've been together always. When we're apart we don't think to touch base with each other. She knows I love her. I know she loves me. We know we'll see each other later and talk and be best friends for that five minutes. That's what kind of friend I am.

I'm the same with most of my family as well. I pray for them. I think about them. I just rarely reach out to them. My daily life is consumed with the what's-right-in-front-of-me stuff and it takes conscious effort to actually make contact with them. I always enjoy talking with them. It's not a dread. My family is a source of joy for me and there's not one single relative I'd not die for. When I'm talking with one of them, it's like we've always lived right next to each other and we have nothing to do all day but visit. But, when we're apart, I don't think to reach out to them. They know I love them. I know they love me. We know we will see each other soon and that love will be shown with hugs and visits.

When someone I do live close to moves away...or I move away from them...I know I will miss them, but I also know myself. I know I won't call or write. I am honest with them about this and I say, "You just need to know that I love you. I am always here. We'll see each other again some day!" I think of them and miss them, but I'm not sad because when we're together again, it's so much fun to catch each other up on our lives!

So. Why is it, when someone I love dies, I grieve and grieve and grieve and wish they were here? They've simply moved away. I didn't call or write when they were here. They know I love them. I know they love me. We know we'll see each other again and talk and visit and catch each other up. Why is it harder? They are not gone forever. They're in a different place, but with the promise of reconnection. Grieving feels like I've lost them forever. A certain amount of grief is healthy; but continual pining is an insult to my faith in eternity. If I truly believe in the afterlife, why would I go on and on about missing them?

I'll see them again. And we'll have so much time to visit. No more grief. Just togetherness.

A Minute in the Life of My Mind...

Here's an example of what goes on in my head most of the time...

I'm hungry. I'm fat. Where's that sock? How can socks go missing? Do they change colors slightly so they look like they don't match? I'm hungry. I'm so tired. I wonder how much a maid would cost. Do we need milk? Hope Maggie's having a good day at school. Lord, be with Maggie. Oh, why do I have mirrors in this house? I'm so fat. I need to get my hair redone soon. The boys' room is a disaster. Do we have leftover pizza? Lord, be with Mark at work. Need to go to Wal-Mart. Grocery money? Hmmm...check with Mark on cash situation. What are the kids going to be for Halloween? Should call Mom. Lord, be with Mom. I need to get organized. Wonder what it would be like to have one eye and two noses. Hmm. Oh, remember that girl with the extra finger? Gross. Probably a nice girl. Lord, please make me un-stupid. How can I bribe the kids to do their chores? What should I make for supper? Did I already iron Mark's shirts? What is that smell? Goodness! Lord, be with Luke's tummy! I'm so fat. How can I be 36 and still have zits? Want to cross-stitch....in a minute. First...where's that sock? Why am I always missing a sock? What will supper be? Need to go to Wal-Mart. Is that a Library book? Hmmm. Wonder when it was due. Wish "Vampire Diaries" would come on. Why are vampires sexy? Is it the fangs? The brooding unavailability? Not the blood. Well...maybe the blood. Lord, I'm sorry I'm a freak. Mark's teeth have a hidden fang-like quality. That's nice. His nose is nice too. Lord, thanks for making Mark hot. That guy on "Vampire Diaries" is hot too. But his eyes are weird. Can you be hot with weird eyes? Lord, thanks for making Mark think I'm hot. Can you be hot and fat? That's strange. I guess hotness isn't perfection. What in the world am I going to make for supper? Again with that smell! Is it food in someone's room? What's that white thing over there? Oh! The sock!! Lord, thanks for the missing sock.

And, that's about 60 seconds of my brain-life. For anyone out there may have wondered.