The Afterlife

When I was in High School, there were quite a few "kids" who made life miserable for me. They would make fun of my clothes for not being the latest trends...my hair was always too long or too frizzy or too something...I had big lips (NOT in style when I was in school) so I was given endless grief and many non-repeatable nicknames...I was told often how ugly and stupid I was...I was considered too nerdy even for some of the nerds! The only thing that got me through (well, not the only thing...but a very strong motivator) was the knowledge that my life did not end at graduation. I focused on my life ahead...I wanted to be an awesome wife and mom...I wanted to become a writer and maybe one day teach other women. I had to put away any hopes of being liked in High School because that was never going to happen and, instead, set my sites on what my life would become later.
Here I am...later. I am a wife...I am a mom...I am a writer...I am a teacher. I am living the dream! So, why is it that I still listen to the voice of that High School girl inside of me? My husband tells me I'm beautiful and I instantly remember that first day of 10th Grade when a certain popular boy walked into Geometry and sat down next to me...he looked at me, realizing where he'd sat, gave my face a good going over, got up, and moved to another seat. I tell myself, "you're not beautiful!"
My kids tell me I'm so much fun to play with and I instantly remember that day in Athletics when all the girls in the lockerroom told me how I moved like a chicken having seizures and I'd never amount to anything, physically speaking. I tell myself, "you're no fun!"
I have one item published and another on its way to the publisher's as we speak and I instantly think of the laughter I received from always writing things so "stupid" in school. I tell myself, "no one will read this."
I have taught the ladies classes at church for years with more joy than I can put into words... and here is where it starts turning around. For me, the teacher will always learn more than her students. I teach these ladies from God's Word...the Word that says to never live in the past... to forgive...to love...to know that God is God. I am not beautiful, fun, smart, or instructive...without God. With Him, I am everything I've ever imagined and more. There is life after High School... but only when I live it!!!

Open the Present

Since the last post, my life has changed dramatically. Daddy has died; Rinette has died; Marvin has died. It's been the proverbial anvil dropping on our heads over and over. But you know what? I'm still here. I'm still waking up in the morning. I'm still washing clothes and cooking meals for my family. I'm still kissing boo-boos and spanking bottoms. I'm still making beds and sweeping floors. I'm still reading bedtime stories and tucking in sweet children. I'm still doing everything the day demands of me....I'm just doing it with more perspective than ever before. Everything matters now....much more than it did before. Each second of each day is a gift. I heard it said once that the present is just that...a present...we unwrap today as the gift that it is and we are grateful for everything it gives us.
I am determined to consider it pure joy. It's not really very hard most of the time.