Type-A Confessions

I have GOT to get disciplined!  How?  Some people are simply born disciplined.  And, I guess, truth be told, I am easily "disciplined" to do things I am interested in.  Housework does NOT fall under this category.  How many nights have I gone to bed thinking, "Tomorrow's going to be different.  No television; no books; no phone calls; no computer; no errands; no cross-stitch; no blogging; no logic puzzles.....I'm going to clean the house!  I'm going to wash all the dishes, do all the laundry, sweep, vacuum, make beds, take out trash, put books away, spray Febreeze in the boys' room (multiple times), prepare meals in advance, sweep the porch, write letters to all my family, read fourteen chapters in my Bible, write in my journal, make the children cupcakes and cocoa for their after-school-snack, have dinner hot and on the nicely-set-table when Mark gets home,......"???  I tend to be an extremist.

There something to be said for extremism though.  When I DO start cleaning house, I don't like to slow down until it's done.  The problem here is that if I'm forced to sit down before it's done (phone call, sick kid, etc...) I rarely get back up.  Here's an example:  When we got back home from our Christmas vacation in Texas, I decided to rearrange the furniture in our bedroom.  I'd been wanting to do it for awhile but Mark and I are usually too busy to find a time to both just get in there and do it!  Plus, the furniture is of the old-school heavy-heavy and it appeared quite a daunting task. 

But I really thought I'd go crazy if I didn't do it.  I mean, it got in my head and I became obsessed.  So, one morning, after everyone left for school/work, I just started doing it.  I removed the mattress and box spring; removed all the drawers from the dresser; heaved, the 70-million ton mirror off the dresser (that the painters put on upside down after painting the bedroom...2 years ago), and just started moving, moving, moving.  I got things backwards and had to move several heavy item more times than I should've.  But finally, it was done.  I felt GREAT!  Of course, I hadn't done any dishes or laundry and now my back was out (pb&j for supper).  However, I was proud of myself and felt very productive.  I was able to add a bookshelf in our room and the iron and ironing board fit too!

I was so proud.  I think I talked myself into "deserving" some time off.  So, for a week, I did nothing.  Oh, I might've folded a dishtowel or put away a book.  I think I actually did cook something one night.  Oh, and I made our bed!  Once. 

So, now all the work is piling on top of me.  I'm overwhelmed.  The pride I felt earlier has dwindled to this little of glimmer of oh-yay-look-what-I-did-instead-of-washing-my-family's-socks.  I did a load of laundry and two loads of dishes yesterday.  That's shameful.  Two loads of dishes?!  Why oh why were there TWO LOADS?! (and there are still dishes in the sink)

So, all of you out there who are naturally disciplined, please be patient with me.  I have great intentions...I'm not lazy...I truly love things to be orderly and neat...I do not just wait around for someone else to do the work for me (although, I wouldn't stop them if they did!)...and I actually enjoy the domesticity that comes with being a housewife. 

It's not always this way.  Sometimes I tornado through the house and have everything spit-spot within a few hours.  I wonder why I can do that some days and other days it just seems impossible. 

I like knowing why.  I like understanding.  I research.  For those of you who follow the religion of the Myers-Briggs Put-Me-In-A-Box Stereotype, I am a "Super Feeler."  I am an IF.  This means I have no problem waiting until the last minute to do things and in fact often do a better job when I DO wait.  I work very well under pressure and often require a deadline to motivate me to do anything.  I am more apt to sit and read than to follow a to-do list.  You get the idea.

For those of you who know about the wonders of Blood-Type...I am type A.  This means that I do not require intense exercise to stay fit.  I can drink all the coffee I want.  I don't prefer meat but can pretty much eat all the time.  I am sedentary (not lazy) which means I require a lot "down-time".  I love being around people but often require sleep after having an intense crowd around me.  I enjoy going out and socializing, if I'm able to come home and just sit afterward.  I can never have too much sleep.  In fact, I need all I can get. 

So...having told you all of that, I'm wondering where discipline fits in.  How it fits in.  I realize it starts in my mind.  I also realize that I've conditioned myself to believe that a "good" housewife keeps a clean house all the time; is tireless and organized; is always prepared for company; still has time and energy to do all of the out-of-the-house stuff; takes a shower every day; always has time to sit in her clean house and read or sew or whatever.  That sounds ridiculous when I type it out like that.  But it's what I feel deep inside.

It's why I feel less-than when my house gets overwhelming, like it is now.  Maybe it's not so much that I need discipline; afterall, I do the work and I do it with my family as a priority (i.e., I sort through the mountains of laundry to get the basketball uniforms, underwear, favorite jeans, etc...washed!).  Maybe what I need is a new way of defining housewife.  Maybe I need to be proud of myself when all of my children can go to bed (can GET to their beds) with full tummies and a content smile.  Maybe I should always strive for excellence but remember that I am excellent regardless of my have-done list.

Hmm.  Perhaps I will now get up and wash something.  Maybe.