Okay? Okay.

I'm a student of human behavior and how the mind works.  I love watching television shows about serial killers and police investigations because it amazes me how differently the mind can work in different people.  I love researching brain functions and psychological findings for the same reason.  There are several things I've learned and am still learning.  One thing I'll share today is how I've discovered that, generally speaking, everyone wants to know that it's okay.  Whatever we think, feel, do, or want is okay.  It's the root of all insecurities.  We want to know that our opinion is okay.  We want to feel that our life-choices are okay.  We want our style of dress, our ambitions, our hair, our homes, our vehicles are okay....accepted....allowed....normal.

In light of this, we see every apology as a plea for the response, "It's okay."  When we tell someone, "I'm sorry," and they reply, "That's okay," don't we feel tons better?  I remember when I was very young I told a lie.  When I confessed it to my mother and said how sorry I was, she said, "Good."  I said, "But it's okay?"  She said, "No."  I said, "But I'm sorry!"  She said, "Good."  I said, "Mama!!  I'm sorry so now you tell me it's okay!"  She said, "Kimberly, nothing we say or do will ever make telling a lie okay.  Saying you're sorry, and I do believe you mean it, still does not erase the lie.  It does not make the lie okay.  You are okay.  You are forgiven and you are okay.  But I'm glad you're sorry for the lie."  This was huge to me!  Sometimes things are NOT okay!  This is something that has stayed with me my whole life.  Knowing that some things are never going to be okay has helped me in my focus to strive for those things that will ALWAYS be okay.  Light, goodness, hope, peace, love...

Is it okay to wear my hair as an orange Mohawk?  Yep.  That's okay.  Is it okay to walk out of my house naked?  Nope.  That's not okay (on so many levels!).  Being different is so okay.  Immodesty is never okay.  Media, Hollywood, those in the public eye (mainly the women) have made immodesty a statement of style.  Cleavage, thigh, etc...it's just "who they are".  It's okay because they are famous and beautiful and proud of their bodies.  Well, la-tee-da.  Immodesty is never okay.  I'm not talking about situational immodesty; giving birth requires a portion of immodesty, surgery, changing in the locker-room, and emergencies calling for ripped clothing, etc.  Even in these situations, however, there is no need to go beyond what is required.  What happened to decency?  Wearing a beautiful new swimsuit is so much fun.  Men do not get just what a new swimsuit, in just the right color, fitting just the right way can do for a woman.  We love it!  It is a high!  But if it is immodest, it's not okay.  Get my drift yet?

Sin is not okay.  Back to my lie.  White lies, lies of protection, lie by omission, lies of convenience... these are not okay.  But, this is somewhat universally recognized.  Let's get controversial.  Homosexuality is not okay.  Gay marriage is not okay.  Living a homosexual lifestyle, whether or not you are doing so monogamously, is not okay.  I wish it was.  God says it isn't and therefore it isn't.  Hear me.  Homosexuals are okay.  Homosexuality is not okay.  Confusing?  Remember what my mother said?  Nothing we say or do will ever make the lie okay....I am okay...the lie is not.  Homosexuals bear a cross I cannot fathom.  They command a strength of self-denial that goes beyond my mental grasp.  And yet, they are called to live without homosexuality.  This is not for us to understand or to judge.  In fact, we (the Church) should (in my opinion) be more outspoken about our desire to HELP them with this struggle!  If we saw someone single-handedly attempting to pull a three-ton boulder down the road, we'd offer our help.  How much easier it would be if thousands banded together to help move the boulder!  Do not leave them to pull it by themselves and for pete's sake, don't just stand their gaping at the fact that this is their lot. 

It's not okay to gossip.  This is one of my crosses.  I justify gossip in the name of "I'm just concerned...I need to share...this person needs prayers..."  You know what?  It's not okay.  No amount of good intention will ever make gossip okay.  It is not.  Ever.  Okay.  It is not okay to be the one speaking it NOR the one hearing it!  This is so hard for me!  I'm a talker.  I do not reveal secrets.  I do, however, share my experiences with people that are unfavorable.  I "vent".  "THEN she was so rude to me!"  Not okay.  "......unwholesome talk.....only that which lifts others up...."  Sound familiar?  I fail at this.  Daily.  It's accepted and even encouraged so much of the time.  I'm even told that it's okay!  But it's not.

It's not okay to have an extra-marital affair.  It's not okay to steal or cheat or hate.  It's not okay to treat your spouse in any way other than how Christ treats His church.  It's not okay to slander or kill or judge.

You know what IS okay?  Loving everyone even when what they are doing is not okay.  Loving and accepting are two VERY different things.  Understanding this is crucial to our society and our religion.

It's okay to have standards.  It's okay to love our GOD unapologetically!  It's not okay to judge or force our concepts on others.  "Oh," you say, "But, Kim, aren't you judging by telling us what is okay and not okay?"  No.  If it were up to me, my friends, it would ALL be okay.  I can justify ANYTHING!  I am a lover...it's been said, "Kim, if it were up to you, you'd just love everyone to Heaven."  Love is what I do.  This "okay" and "not okay" comes from God.  We are given a guideline.  Read what He has to say and live by it.  It is simple.  The "gray" areas are created by us. 

I have lost friends.  I may lose more today.  And as Mark and I are trying to teach our children, losing friends is okay.  Compromising God's Word is not okay.  Okay doesn't mean easy or happy or preferred.  In fact, so much of "okay" is hard and requires much sacrifice.

Please just remember.  Ours is not to seek "okay".  Ours is to glorify God.  That is ALWAYS okay.
Okay?