Love vs. Romance Part II

The word love is beautiful.  It can mean so many different things on so many different levels.  Our preacher recently did a sermon on that very point and I found it, not only interesting, but applicable to every single area of life.  "I love peanut butter.  I love my grandmother."  That's what he said that made things start clicking for me.  He, of course, went on to impress upon us that we cannot begin to fathom the depths of God's love for us.  We will never come close to showing or receiving that amount of love as humans.  Marriage and parenting are the two relationship-worlds that allow us a taste of that love and I want to concentrate on marriage today.

Before we start dating, we dream.  Right?  You have a certain "type" in mind.  Blond, smart, funny, thin, muscles, talented, etc...we get really detailed sometimes.  Is in a band, will be a lawyer, will like camping, will be a Republican.  We start erasing any chance of negativity.  Never leaves the seat up, has a soothing voice, doesn't snore, is organized, likes the same music as me, wants exactly four children, has straight teeth, takes out the trash. 

None, hear me, NONE of the above equals a happy and healthy marriage.  Your mate may be every single thing on the check-list and still it is not important and you will not be satisfied by it. 

You notice I left of the Spiritual check-list?  Okay, let's do that.  Is a Christian, reads Bible every day, sings sweetly, goes to church regularly, gets involved with congregational activities. 

Nope.  Still not there.  I dated a guy that had every one of those Spiritual items nailed.  He was also demeaning, controlling, and threw me down a flight of stairs. 

While we're dating, we check the list, modify the list, add to the list and re-write the list.  Doesn't have to drive a great car but must want to some day, has good hygiene, wants kids, likes dogs, hates cats, sometimes snores but will probably look into fixing that, will always stop and listen to me, very attractive, will come to church with me, etc...

Still not there.

I have the luxury of hindsight.  And, by the way, I am the original cautionary tale when it comes to dating and mate-hunting.  Those of you who know my husband are probably still amazed, as am I, that we're together.  But I know what works and what doesn't.  I know you can throw that list out the window.  None of it matters.

Yes, you want a good one.  Of course.  Do you have to write that down?  Do you have to remind yourself to look for a good mate?  Nope.  So, let's forget the list for a minute.  Okay?  Let's talk about love.

Love at first sight does not exist.  Lust at first sight is about as close as you're going to get here.  And, might I just add, when lust at first sight happens, it sure complicates things because our vision becomes so blurry to what's important. 

When you're buying candy, do you put on your wish-list "must be wrapped in gold, packaged in plastic, and have red writing on it."???  No, who cares about that?  You want chocolate, nuts, nougat, etc....  the inside.  When you buy a vegetable, do you think, "Oh, this will match my kitchen decor!"  Uh, I hope not.  You think of its content, its taste, its health-value.  Yes? 

You get my point.  So, let's move on.

After you're married, it doesn't matter what kind of music your spouse likes, whether or not they snore, whether or not they hold your hand in public, whether or not they are ecstatic about attending church, whether or not your toes curl up when they kiss you.........

~~Christianity IS important.  Please hear me saying that it's in the heart, not in the actions ultimately.~~

The feeling you have for your spouse is not love until you've experienced sacrifice.  There it is, ladies and gentlemen.  Sacrifice is what love is.  Underneath the wrapping of sex, companionship, comfort, and commonality, there must be sacrifice.

When we are told in the Bible that men must love their wives as Christ loves the church, we're talking about the willingness to climb up on a cross and die for her while she's in the midst of hurting and betraying you. 

When we are told in the Bible that women must respect their husbands, we're talking about praising them and encouraging them in the midst of their jobless, lazy, money-spending phases.

If love was easy, it wouldn't cover a multitude of sins.  If love was an emotion, we wouldn't be commanded to do it. 

Be resigned to the following:
You WILL wake up one morning and not really like your spouse.  You WILL wonder if there's even one small thing you have in common.  You WILL become frustrated, annoyed, angry, put-off, hurt, lonely, worried, and weary during your marriage.  This is not Heaven.  Do not expect it.

Know the following:
How you feel doesn't matter.  You look to GOD to fill the hole inside you.  You look to GOD for your happiness and satisfaction.  Your spouse is your opportunity to show GOD your love.  Your spouse will NOT often deserve your sacrifice.  It will NOT be fair and balanced.  You will NOT be pat on the back.

You WILL be amazingly content and peaceful.  After sacrificing, you will be so filled with the Spirit that you will feel ready to take on the world.  After sacrificing over a period of time, you will feel something for your spouse that you had no idea you were capable of feeling.  Love.  That's what you will finally have.

Love is action.  Love is a process.  Love is who we ARE not what we expect to receive.  God is love and we represent.

If this scares all of you single folks out there...GOOD.  Marriage is not to be entered into lightly!  Your list should be more...will I stand by her if all of her hair falls out and she forgets my name?  Will I commit to respecting him if he hurts my feelings?  Will I nourish her and die for her?  Will I honor him and adore him?

Respect
Honor
Adore

Those are the vows our hearts must keep.  Love is a bi-product.  Love is the destination.  Go ask a couple who have been married 50 years how they feel toward each other.  Ask them if the list mattered.