Loving My Sighs and Not My Size

It's started.  The exercising.  One year ago I had to stop running because my body went into a kind of breakdown.  (See The Common Volcano)  I thought I'd get back to it within a few months but didn't.  Here we are, back to it, and ugh!  It's tough!  I'll be honest (you KNOW I'll be honest), I am more interested in cute exercise outfits than actually exercising.  But, they don't look very cute on a fat body.  Gross.  Spandex plus cellulite equals please-avert-your-eyes.  So, while I'm glad I can still fold my body into my exercise clothes and zip them without too much moaning, I'm still loathe to actually get outside and move.

I recently spent a little over a week in Iowa with my in-laws.  There's a treadmill downstairs and I have to walk by it coming and going to my bedroom.  It mocked me the entire time I was there.  I reasoned that I'd forgotten to pack my tennis-shoes and therefore couldn't run on it!  But it just laughed at me anyway.  I thought maybe I'd bring them with me next time I visited.  That reminded me that the next visit would be July 4th.  And I wouldn't be the only one visiting.  My beautifully sculpted in-laws would (almost) all be descending onto the property looking thin and radiant and disciplined.  I don't want to be the fat one!!!!! 

I am endlessly envious of my niece Caroline Pruitt's figure.  She curves in all the right places and cinches up in all the right places...she's my ideal shape and I must admit to just sitting and staring at her (not in a creepy way...just in admiration).  My niece Elizabeth Pruitt has probably the most self-discipline out of all of us.  She is also the thinnest.  There's no way I will ever reach her size.  That's a little discouraging because I'd really like to borrow some of her clothes!  Ha!  She and Caroline are not, by far, the only healthy beauties.  All of them are trim and proper. 

I do not compare myself to anyone under the age of 18. I also cannot compare myself to anyone who has less children than me (Naam and Shao Li, you will always be thinner and in better shape than me!!  Asian beauty is not something I even hope to acquire!).  I thought about using the excuse of being a mother of three, but Jan Pruitt is a mother of FOUR and is about a SIZE four.  And my youngest is six years old.  Can't blame my flab on him anymore.

So, yesterday morning, I started out.  I walked one street and ran the next, alternating like that for just one lap (or block...three blocks is one mile).  Now this is piddly for most of you.  But, like my husband always says, "low and slow is the way to go".  Today, I alternated for two laps.  It wasn't awful.  I couldn't feel my legs half-way through my last running stretch.  How then do I know I was running?  Well, my fat was shaking so I'm pretty sure I was more-than-walking.  Tomorrow I will hit the pavement for three laps.  A mile!  Tomorrow, in my white running pants and turquoise-and-white Adidas shirt, I will be in continuous motion for an entire mile. 

I cannot allow myself to think how I used to run two or three miles before daylight in the mornings.  I cannot think that I used to wear a size 8 and actually buy clothes in the Jr. section.  I cannot think that there are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer right now.  I must celebrate the moment.

Celebrate with me, People!