Dead Trees and Timing

Today marks the end of one whole week of college life for me. I made it! And I love it! Every day has caused a flashback of college life 15 years ago and I'm reminded how blessed I am today. When I first attempted college, my finances were a mess, my confidence was nil, my physical being was under enometrial siege, my dating life had just taken a very public and embarrassing dive, and I was experiencing a chemical depression that was yet to be diagnosed.

Today is proof that one never knows what's in store. Ten years ago, I was resolute in my decision to never go back to school. My health had only deteriorated, my social life had only deteriorated, my confidence had only....you get the idea. Then the tree began to blossom.

In the summer time when trees seem dead, it's hard to picture them in full bloom. They have to rest, store up minerals, food, and water in preparation for the spring. They look weary, useless, lifeless, as if they have nothing to offer. But then the tree begins to blossom.

Maggie.

Those of you who know the story of my miracle child are probably tired of hearing about it. But, I never am. I am constantly amazed at the turn of events she set in motion. My health...because the endometriosis had killed so much of me, I was seeing five different specialists. On their recommendation, and the prayers and support of my family and friends, I became artificially inseminated. Pregnancy could offer the one last hope of reversing some of the endometrial damage; and if it didn't, then this would be my last ditch chance of having a child.

Let's remember....my life was a wreck. No social life, no future goals, no anything. I simple existed. Through the process of fertility and meeting Mark and maturing in my spiritual journey and deepening my relationship with family, a 180 took place. All of a sudden, my life had meaning. I began to see how all of the physical trials had led me to this moment. Maggie. I'd do it all over again if I had to.

I also began seeing another pattern emerging.

After almost a decade of marriage, I have had the chance to make out a time-line of my life and truly study it. How perfect everything seems now. Heartache, loneliness, depression, shame, destitution, dependence...gathering minerals, water, and food.

I am in school to get my Family Life Education degree which will ultimately lead to me being a family therapist with emphasis on child trauma. What kind of therapist would I be if I'd never lived what my future clients will have experienced? Empathy cannot be taught in a classroom and compassion is on no exit exam. I am so blessed to have had a dead-tree life in order to prepare for this wonderful spring I can now see.

Yesterday, a sweet friend said, "You're a survivor. You're going to be a great therapist!" I was humbled. I've never really thought of myself as being a survivor. Survivors fight through their mess and arrive victorious on the other side. I feel as if I tolerated the mess until God pulled me through to the other side. But regardless of how I got here, I'm here.

I love God's timing. I love His plan. I love that I am not God.