Family Planning

No, not birth control, etc...  I mean literally planning with/for your family!  Do you?  Are you good at it?  Are you consistent?  Are your ideas popular?  Are your family plans successful? 

If you answered "no" to any of the above, please know that you are not alone...and keep reading!

The Number One rule to making plans for your family is this:
"I will not always get it right, but I will never stop trying."

Don't set yourself for a catastrophic heartbreak by automatically assuming that every family activity is going to be "Happy Days" and "Leave it to Beaver" rolled into one.  Sometimes, they're more "Three's Company" and "All in the Family"!  The question is not, will I succeed?  The question is, how can I make this as positive as possible?  And you must NEVER allow yourself to stop trying to add quality to your family by making plans...creating traditions!

The Number Two rule when planning for your family is this:
"I will do my best, even when I don't feel like it."

Being consistent is so important!  The moments we do NOT plan for our family or follow through on plans make more of an impact than the actual plans do at times.  And, more times than not, you'll feel like doing it after you've gotten involved.  I remember our kids used to want to play Candyland every Family Night.  This game can go on forever!  I was always tired and dreaded these evenings.  But most of the time, the evenings were quite enjoyable.  Sometimes they weren't.  During these times, I would inform my husband (privately, of course) that I wasn't "into it" and he would help move things along and kind of buffer the annoyances.  There were times when I thought, "Why are we even doing this?  Everyone's cranky and I just want to go to bed."  But now, looking back, I can see MANY reasons why following through, like it or not, was the right decision. 

Rule Number Three (and the final rule I'll share today) is this:
"All must be involved!"

This is a toughy.  Especially when there are such age differences in your children.  But it's not Family Night if someone is left out.  That's where you get creative.  Get your kids' input!  They have wonderful ideas and I know they're bursting to tell you what they want to do!  Your job is simply to do it!  It's hard at times, but always rewarding.  The reasons are great and many for doing this.  Family Night doesn't have a formal event.  It can just be 30 minutes of sitting in the floor playing with blocks!  (And this is something we've done with our kids being older!)

For one thing, it sets the expectation...the standard.  I was teased a bit by a friend because she knew that we had our Family Nights every week.  She said, "What makes it Family Night?  I mean, your kids are all so young, you're together every night anyway!"  She had a point.  How was this different than any other night of us being together?  Here are the three main reasons to institute Family Night (or whatever you wish to call it) once a week, no matter how old your children are or even if you do not HAVE children yet.

1.  The Standard
As I mentioned above, a standard is set in place when you deem a certain night to be set apart from other nights in the week.  Your discipline to do this now will instill the expectation in your children that this is simply the way it is.  When they are old enough to be out of the house, have their own plans, be "too cool" for board games, etc, they will automatically know that this night is non-negotiable.  "We've always done it."  "It's always been this way."  That's worth doing it now!  If you're starting later in the game, you will need to have a discussion with your children about how this is a no-joke, deal-breaker, too-bad-you're-doing night!

2.  The Message
My friend who pointed out that we were all together every night anyway was right....but also wrong.  Being in the same house does not mean being together.  Most often, we are all involved in different activities and in our own worlds.  Making the effort to put those worlds aside in order to do a joint activity sends the message to every family member that they are the most important thing in your life.  For my husband to cancel a meeting or step away from something important just to sit and put together a puzzle with us is HUGE.  Hearing my daughter tell her friend, "No, I can't that night.  It's Family Night at our house," is music to my ears!  This is a lifelong message that no future hurt will ever be able to take away.

3.  The Precious
My friends, it is the simple and sad truth that, at any moment, our precious loved ones can be taken from us.  Do not wait.  Start right now building a foundation of priorities and bonding that will comfort you and them later.  The memories begin right this minute.  Good or bad, you are creating memories RIGHT NOW.  Make the most of it!!

There are more reasons, but these are the top three.  I'll tell you some of the activities we've enjoyed:

Pirates!  One evening, the children and I dressed as pirates and "lay in wait" for Mark to get home from work.  As soon as he pulled in the drive, we accosted him and bound his hands (I took the laptop and briefcase for safety) and led him to our ship (the couch)!  We held him down and drew a mustache on him, put a bandanna on his head and then made him walk the plank (an imaginary place where one could fall on a pile of pillows).  Then, after all having a turn or two at the plank, we ate our meal....Fish Sticks of course!  This was done when the children were very small and most of our little pirates were in nothing but diapers and bandannas!

Another time we played "Restaurant". This is one of the kids' favorites.  I print up a menu of food choices (excellent for when you want to get rid of your leftovers) and a few drink choices (if you have something other than water...if not, just list water different ways.  Drinks:  Clear Wonder, Invisible Energy, or Water....see...it's ALL water!).  Anyway, we have music playing and Mark dances with all three of the kids while they wait to be seated...then they all order from the menu and we eat...we dress up, light candles, make the table pretty, etc...it's so easy and so fun!  (It offers you opportunities as well to teach table manners!!)

Once we had a talent show.  This was hilarious.  It was impromptu so no one had anything planned.  We simply said, do something!  And we all did.  You will be proud and amazed at your children's spontaneous talents!  When they were older, we each drew a family member's name from a hat and had to act out that person while everyone tried to guess who we were.  It's fun to see how your children portray you!

The point is, do something!  It is never too early.  It is never too late.  Your family is a gift to you and you have so many opportunities to give back to them.  Our next Family Night?  Thanksgiving, of course!  Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and my prayers for you to experience much in the way of family togetherness!