The Sick Girl

Laying on the examination table yesterday waiting to be told when I could stop holding my breath, I was deep in thought.  While the technician was x-raying my sacrum, I thought about all the people in the world going through the same thing, only alone.  See, even though I had to hold my arm a certain way and lay in an uncomfortable position that caused some pain and I had a thin sheet over my legs because my jeans were around my ankles....Mark and the kids were out in the waiting room.  They would be smiling and encouraging when I was finished here.  Mark had already promised to take us all out for lunch.  Almost like a fun summer day with just a little trip to the hospital thrown in.


When I'd checked in at the front I told Andrea, the woman at the helm, that I noticed she'd gotten some sun since I'd seen her last.  She smiled and updated me on her summertime fun with her son and then checked me in.  I got to go back and do the whole admissions process with Sheila.  Not only do I know Sheila from church, she's walked me through this admissions process more than once.  I love her smile and aim to see it every time I sit in her cubicle.  Yesterday she said, "I'm praying for you, Kim, but I'm not worried.  When you lose your sense of humor, THEN I'll worry!"  And that's what started me thinking about how blessed I am.


The morning had started as normally as those recently before it.  For the past several weeks, I've had numerous and varying symptoms that, put together, have baffled who I've come to call my "Dream Team".  I have always wanted to be a mysterious woman....didn't quite picture it this way however.  Let me just name some of the symptoms.  You'll see why, alone, they are not alarming...not even worth more than Tylenol or maybe a Z-Pack.  But put together, they are something of an enigma. 


Fever (spikes to 102 during the night; medicine at its max brings it down to 99.8)
Joint pain
General flu-like feeling
Loss of appetite (although I never seem to luck into the "weight loss" symptom!)
Headache
Dizziness
Chest pain (not shortness of breath or heart-related...more like muscle aches)
Forgetfulness (more than the normal "what did I come into this room for?")
Abdominal pain
Back pain
.........Did I mention I was bitten by a tick?


All test results for tick-fever, lyme, etc, were negative.  They even re-checked.  We treated it anyway.  Doxycycline (after the Z-Pack).  Symptoms persisted.  In fact, I remember one day a few weeks ago...I had gone in to the doctor's office to hear the results of the latest blood tests and CT scans.  While I was there, my wonder-nurse Lisa took my temp (routine).  Next thing I know, she's wrapping a blanket around me and giving me a big pill to swallow.  Guess my fever had spiked.  Again.


While waiting for test results, I was also waiting to feel better.  I was told to call immediately if I experienced new symptoms.  I thought surely I should be experiencing fewer symptoms!


We waded through the miry pit of four possible diagnoses before realizing this was bigger than the average "don't feel good" virus.  I lost track of what all we tested for.  It was interesting at first and I paid close attention.  But the appointments started going the same....like we hadn't gotten it right yet and needed to have several takes.  Lisa.....fever.....blood pressure low....accelerated heart rate.... PA Mendy...very thorough....lots of questions that I can only answer "kinda"......PA Nicole...worked in Rheumatology for five years and knows her stuff.....lots of questions that I could honestly answer "I don't know".......taking blood and trying not to stick where I've already been stuck and trying to navigate around the I-look-like-a-junkie bruises....new antibiotic (third one so far)....have we x-rayed this?.....have we tried MRI?....websites.....sitting with my "Dream Team" and Googling my symptoms.....visit the hospital...new tests.....


It can get discouraging.  Especially when new symptoms are fantastical.  I hear myself talking with the "Dream Team" and think, "Are they buying this?  This doesn't sound real at ALL!"  But they always buy it.  They test and prove it.  It's almost as if they are convincing me of my own illness.  Oh, you're probably wondering what kind of symptoms could cause me to doubt my own health-status.....one example is cold thigh.  Go ahead, Google it.  For I-don't-know-how-long, I've had this patch on my upper right thigh that's cold like I've just had an icepack on it.  Weird.  I didn't hide this, it just never occurred to me that it was an actual symptom.  Frankly, I chalked it up to being overweight.  Maybe poor circulation due to fatness.  You know?  Nope...real symptom. 


Another one just came up this past week.  It was yet one more thing I hadn't associated with the realm of symptoms.  I had become obsessed with cleaning my eyeglasses.  They were so scratched and dirty and I couldn't imagine what the film was that covered both lenses.  Then, for no reason I could think of, my eyes became dramatically bloodshot.  Not a little bloodshot.  Full on I-just-swam-for-thirty-hours-smoked-some-weed-and-haven't-slept-for-two-weeks bloodshot.  I called the doctor the next morning.  Of course, they wanted me to come right in.


Turns out there's no film on my eyeglasses.  I was sent to my eye doctor, post haste, and he examined me up close and personal.  Get this... there are so many white blood cells directly behind my corneas right now that I'm seeing them.  I see as if I'm looking through thick fog, smoke, or frosted glass.  Google Temporal Arteritis.  See what you think.


Anyway, back on that exam table, waiting for Jane to tell me I could breathe, I just realized that, even if I didn't have Mark and the kids physically with me, I'm still not alone.  Even if I didn't have Andrea-at-the-front-desk, Sheila-in-admissions, the "Dream Team", Linda-my-friend-working-with-my-other-friend-the-eye-doctor, and all of those who are there every time with a smile and a needle stick....I'm still not alone.


No matter how this turns out (and I know it will be perfect and wonderful), I must always be careful to remember how important it is to smile and keep that sense of humor.  I must always try to serve others even while I'm being served.  I must always remember I am never alone.


Oh....wow....better call the doctor.  I feel a new symptom....