I'm Not Her BFF

I will never be friends with my daughter.  This makes me sad.  It also makes me determined.  We are given "jobs" to do, responsibilities, by God and parenting is one of them.  I have failed many times in the past (and will in the future, I'm sure) by not giving this assignment the energy and effort it calls for.  Being given a responsibility is serious.  Being given a responsibility by God is a calling, an honor, and to be undertaken with grave effort.  We are to do everything as to the Lord.  Parenting is just a step further.  (In my opinion)

Maggie is eleven.  It's a fun age.  We are beginning to share interests.  She gets my jokes.  She's pretty funny with her own jokes.  She is able to take on more responsibility and be a true help around the house.  It's fun hanging out with her.  But I'm not her friend.

I am not saying we don't laugh together and act silly and share confidences.  We do.  And it's wonderful.  What I'm saying is that I have a higher calling where Maggie concerned.  I must be forever vigilant with her soul.  I don't know how long I have with her.  I may be called Home tomorrow.  I must do everything I can to ensure that she is fully equipped to fight the Evil One.  I must do all I can to teach her that Jesus is the answer to every question.

In practical terms, I must also teach her to survive on this planet without me.  Cooking, cleaning, managing her money and her time.  Choosing friends, buying clothes, deciding on a career.

I will never control her.  She must make all of these decisions one day without me.  But how I guide her in the decisions today will ultimately determine her wisdom in making choices later.  That's why I will never be her friend.  I will not say, "Whatever you want, Dear."

Every moment is a teaching moment.  Relax and enjoy her sweetness?  Absolutely.  Laugh and enjoy her silliness?  Of course!  Call her out when she's wrong, instruct her when she's confused, never let her get away with disobedience?  Imperative.

But what if she's mad at me?  I hate that.  I hate knowing she's disappointed, hurt, mad, sad.  And yet, what is the alternative?  It's just going to be rough-going at times.  I am the grown-up here.  And I'm not motivated by trying to get her to like me.  In fact, I know very well that there will be stretches of time when she doesn't like me at all.  And that must simply be enough validation for me to know I'm doing it right.

I'll never be her BFF.  But she'll never doubt my love for her.  She's my favorite Maggie in the world.  I am prouder of her every day.  Laughter, arguments, illness, disappointments, grief, joys, triumphs..... I want to share every minute with her.  And I want to be worthy of the gift that is Maggie Pruitt.  One day she'll be a gift to the world.  Daughters are precious.  Mothers are necessary.  It will not ever be "balanced".  She will never love me the way I love her.  She will never thank me or truly appreciate any sacrifice I make.  I must not be motivated by the desire for recognition.  God sees.  God knows.  And that is more that enough.

We'll talk about the role of fatherhood and sons in a later post.  :)