Freedom in Things Unseen

When I started blogging, I actually considered my audience. I would picture what some of my friends would say or do in response to what I'd written. I'd try to predict some of my family's comments. After awhile I realized that no one read my blog. The comments were very few and most of the time there were no comments at all. So, in time, I forgot there was an audience at all.

I just wrote to write. I'd write about my illness...bloating, gas, no sex-drive. Who cares? No one's gonna read it anyway! I wrote about my frustration as a mom... just needing a break from the whiny little critters every once in awhile!!! I wrote about my past... boo-hoo, I was made fun of, laughed at, called names. Not like anyone FROM my past was going to read it anyway, right?

I would write about my Spiritual struggles. Why not? Does anyone from church even have my blog site address? Nah. I wrote about having a nervous breakdown and chopping off my hair; I even posted pictures! Woo-Hoo! I was just going crazy with the freedom of writing whatever I wanted with no worries!

And then it started happening. In Bible class, "Kim, I read your blog last night. Really good." Really good? Oh, crud. What did I write last night? Did I mention how I sometimes have to FORCE myself to read my Bible? AAAH! Now she knows!

At the grocery store, "Hey, Girl! Checked out your blog...interesting!" Interesting? In a good way? Oh, no...did I write about how annoyed I get with people...including her?! OH, NO!!!!

At Maggie's school, "Kim, your blog is pretty gutsy. Wow." Yeah, I knew I'd hear about it from HER. Well, I didn't think I actually posted that one but...there it is.

At Mark's office, "Kim, I keep up with your blog. What are you going to write today?" Today? Well, I won't be writing about how I wish Mark's job didn't take him out of town so much!! YIKES!!

So...in response to this realization...this revelation...people actually read my blog...what did I do? DELETE!! DELETE!! DELETE!!

I used to whine that no one commented on my posts. Whaaaaa! I must not be a good writer. Boohooo! Then I went out on planet-stupid with my posts. Now, I'm back in the "consider your audience" stage.

And I love it. :) Thanks for reading. Don't stop. I may forget you're there again and talk about that person at the doctor's office who smells like licorice an pizza. Or about how I was secretly glad when our dog died because I was too tired to take care of her anymore. Or how sometimes, I just lay on the couch all day wondering what it would be like to be one of those 600 pound shut-ins who get waited on hand-and-fat-foot.

You just never know...