The Battle

The last two posts were about the "Stay-at-Home-Mom" and the "Working Mom". This one is very simple. It's about being a mom. Whether you work outside the home or not, you do your best for your children. Moms are always thinking about their children, no matter where they are at any given moment in the day. The goal of a mother is to prepare her children for all they may encounter.

Some moms smother their children. This isn't the healthiest treatment, but I get it. They fear for them. They ache at the thought of their children hurting. But, motherhood is a battle and we must arm ourselves against that temptation to hold on too tight. We must let our children fall and learn how to pick themselves back up.

Some moms ignore their children. This isn't the healthiest treatment, but I get it. They want their kids to be independent, resilient, and self-sufficient. We can't give into this temptation either. Loving our children takes time and patience and me MUST invest both. Remaining aloof will only teach our children how NOT to trust...and they will not know how to be loved.

Some moms let their kids do whatever they want anytime they want. Again, I get it. We want our kids to be happy and we hate causing them heartache. However, this is another no-no. Kids respond to boundaries and will learn to discern ONLY if we've taught them discipline. Otherwise, they will continue to run amok in adulthood and we will have only ourselves to blame for it.

One thing we moms will do without a second thought...fight for our children. We will go to battle and WIN for the safety of our children and we will make no excuses for it. Moms are in battle daily. We must never give in. We must continue to stay the course!

The Field

My last post was about the wonders of the "Stay-At-Home-Mom". Not this one. Let's talk about those "Working-Moms"! Moms who work outside the home get a bad wrap. They are given superior looks by moms who do not work. They are assumed absent by their kids' teachers. They are labeled in such a fashion as to say, "you don't think enough of your family to stay at home and give your kids the attention they need!"

Good grief. Let's just take a close look at what these moms do. They get up extra early so they can get their kids ready for school and out the door. They work hard all day long in an environment created for men and push thoughts like, "Does my daughter still have that tummy ache? Is she nervous about her test? Did my son take that rock to school after I told him not to? What in the world am I going to make for supper?", out of their minds in order to prove to their boss they are worthy of that paycheck. They NEED that paycheck in order to pay for the kids' soccer, girlscouts, designer backpacks, fieldtrips, camp, piano lessons, etc... She's working FOR her kids.

Then, she must come home. She is tired and often frustrated... but she must muster the energy to listen to all the drama of her daughter's day, force her kids to stay on task with their homework, make supper, straighten the house, make sure all the necessities are washed, and have energy for her husband as well.

The "working mom" deserves a medal. She is in the field...she is dodging landmines, packing ammo, and praying every minute that her kids are okay. She is doing it BECAUSE she loves her children. Next time you want to judge a woman for dropping her sweeties off at the daycare, try mentally spending a day in her high-heeled shoes. You'll need a foot massage by bedtime!

Punch that clock, "Working Moms". Don't give up. Hug your babies and sing to them in their sleep...they know you love them and they will thank you for the sacrifices you've made for them!!

The Trenches

Why does a person have to declare themselves one thing or another? "What do you do for a living?" Well, if you mean, 'how do I earn money?', I don't. My husband does. Uh-oh. I can see the Respect Meter just dropped a point. But, you recover quickly and ask another question out of social correctness; "Oh. A stay-at-home-mom! How wonderful! Do you enjoy it?" Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to say yes. Right? If I say no, it implies that I don't like my kids or my life...that I'm bitter and resent my children for taking away my dreams...bla bla bla.

Well, let's see. At any given moment, I may be cleaning poop off the floor; scraping peanut butter out of the carpet; breaking up a fight; pouring juice; wiping a bottom; cleaning clutter; washing clothes; ridding the house of some mystery-smell; answering questions such as, "but, why can't I have a baby sister?", "why can't we have hot dogs for breakfast?" "why did YOU get to have a piece of chocolate?"; always having company in the bathroom; finding all lost toys; entertaining a crowd while showering; and having to lock myself in the closet to enjoy a two-minute phone conversation. Do I enjoy it?

And let's just discuss this charming phrase "stay-at-home-mom". Who stays at home? Are you a stay-at-the-office-employee? Probably. You probably sit at your desk until time to come home. Let me explain something about the "stay-at-home-mom". We don't. Time to go to school! Time to go buy groceries! Time to go to the library! Time for your doctor's appointment! Time to take you to your friend's house! Time for ball practice! Time for the park! Time to pick up your sister from school! Time for this! Time for that! WHEN DO I STAY HOME?! Do I enjoy it?

And that's the day time. Here's a newsflash...I don't clock out at 5:00. Supper. Homework. Baths. Bedtime stories. Bedtime. Bedtime again. STAY IN BED! Middle-of-the-night adventures...fevers, vomit, nightmares, accidents, tummy-aches, ear infections...Morning time again! Wake up and make breakfast! Do I enjoy it?

Does a soldier enjoy all night in the trenches under heavy fire knowing that any minute may be his last? Probably not. But he believes in what he's fighting for. He sees the big picture and is passionate about results. Me too. This world is big and ominous for little ones. There are obstacles they can't imagine just waiting for them. I see the big picture and I'm passionate about doing all I can to prepare them. Learn these Bible verses so that you are armed! Learn the ABC's so that you are academically prepared! Learn these table manners so that you are socially acceptable! Learn morals! Learn ethics! Learn basics! Learn that you are loved more than life and that this home is ALWAYS yours! UNCONDITIONALLY!!! Do I enjoy it?...Sometimes I don't enjoy the minutes...but I absolutely love the job! It is the greatest honor in the world. There are no promotions in this position...I'm already at the highest possible level.

Be proud of yourselves, Mommies! You're in the trenches and you're doing great!

Blocked

Argh! I want to BLOG!!!!! But, I have writer's block. It's insanely frustrating. The block is often lifted in the middle of the night...but I'm too tired to get up and type. Boo! I thought of a few topics last night but after typing a few paragraphs on each, I deleted them for their own sake. Boring. Inane. Don't believe me? One was about getting my hair done...the other was about needing to be around enablers.

I guess the enabler one is okay, but I couldn't form my thoughts in any coherent fashion. The point of it was more of confession...dirty little secret. I like to be told I'm pretty. If I say, "I am so ugly," I like for there to be someone in the room who will step up and say, "Oh, no you're not! You're beautiful!" If I say, "I'm so fat," there sure better be someone close by who will take the bait and say, "You are NOT fat! Not at ALL!" And the list goes on. I'm a confidence-boosting junkie. I like validation with even the simplest of things...and it doesn't even have to come from someone I know.

There. That was my brilliant topic and moment of truth last night. I don't know why I couldn't express it. What IS writer's block? Is it a literal block in the temporal lobe of the brain? Does anyone know? Is it emotional? Physical? I've heard of writers who require a specific environment to be able to write...is it environmental?...or just mental? It's a mystery to me. I guess that's the case ultimately. If anyone knew, it would be remedied easily.

Relaxation must be an aide in the solution. I have written the most fascinating books, letters, thank you notes, prayers, and blogs in the middle of the night. None of them make it out of my head. Perhaps I should sleep with a mini-recorder and speak into it all of my brilliance throughout the night. No. I fear that listening to it all in the morning would bring my brilliance the dullness it truly possesses. That's it, isn't it? My brilliance lives in my mind (someone, any enabler in the room, feel free to jump up and say, "No! You're brilliant for real!").

Well, I'm sure I will continue to fight the block. In fact, I plan to just use this blog as catharsis until something brilliant really does appear. Get read to glean, people. It's going to be in there somewhere at some point!!

The Spirit of Christmas

It's the Christmas Season, Everyone! What does this mean to you? There are so many possibilities for the true meaning of Christmas...the Spirit in which to celebrate.

Mark has care packages to get out, filled with Christmas cookies and goodies. Maggie has a party at school, for which I'm in charge...cupcakes? Check. Juice boxes? Check. Game? Check. Gift? Check.

We've put up our tree, decorated our home, wrapped a few gifts. The weather is brisk, the radio is playing carols, and, every night, we eat our supper in front of the television while watching a children's Christmas show. The Family Christmas Poem is completed and I've almost finished addressing all the Christmas Cards. This is what Christmas is about, right?

I've been especially enjoying church lately. The singing seems to be more robust and the sermons pack more of a punch. It's just that time of the year. Believing and being faithful are on everyone's list. This is the true meaning of Christmas, surely!

I've made sure our family is wearing red sweaters or green hair-bows. We've donned our Santa socks and made hot cocoa. The children have all written their letters to Santa and Mark has dutifully "mailed" them. We read the children a Christmas book each night and quote to them Moore's "Night Before Christmas". We are truly emanating the Spirit of Christmas.

Or so I thought...

There were a few more things that needed to be done...I had to buy some more gifts and yesterday evening seemed the perfect time to do it. Mom graciously offered to keep the kids while I dashed around town. I turned up the radio and "fa la la'd" with some crooner I don't even know. Boy, I was good at Christmas.

After checking my list (twice), I checked out of Wal-Mart and was patting myself on the back for having managed my time so wisely. I got a fair amount of the shopping done and would have just enough time to get home and cook a wonderful meal for my family before Mark got home from work. Yay for me!

As I was walking out of the store, I decided I'd better sit down and check the receipt...sometimes, there are errors and I didn't want to get all the way home before making that discovery. There's that breezy area at the entrance/exit with benches and I chose one next to a nice-looking elderly lady. After checking that my receipt was sadly accurate, I looked up and said hello to the lady. She smiled and said hello in return. She commented on my prudence in checking the receipt and I admitted that I'd only just started this practice after having been jipped so many times in the past.

I asked if she was cold sitting so near the doors and she said she was fine; she was just waiting for her son and daughter-in-law who had a lot of shopping to do. She couldn't be on her feet for too long so she just sat and waited for them. I got up and wished her a Merry Christmas and told her I hoped her son and daughter-in-law didn't take too long...and she thanked me...and there was a look in her eye. I couldn't leave her. I couldn't leave this woman to just sit all alone and wait.

I sat back down. She asked if I'd forgotten something. I said, "No, Ma'am. It's just not often that I meet someone so nice. Would it be alright if I sat here with you for awhile?" Her smile was so bright. She thanked me and began talking. I learned all about her family and her past. I learned about her wisdom and her experiences. She was a sharp woman of 84 years and admitted that her physical health was in decline, but she's loved and happy and well cared for. After 45 minutes, her son and daughter-in-law came to get her. I stood and said, "Oh, I suppose I need to get supper started. Thank you for humoring me. It's not often I get a chance to sit at Wisdom's feet." She had tears in her eyes and smiled up at me. She took my hand and whispered, "Thank you, Child. It's not often there is someone willing to sit with me at all. Have a Merry Christmas."

As I left Wal-Mart, behind schedule and tired, I knew. I knew that, although the Christmas Cards were addressed, the gifts were bought, the carols were being sung, and the children were watching "Rudolph"...I knew that only just then had I experienced The Spirit of Christmas.

I challenge you to find your experience as well. They are out there...right in front of you. And they are rewarding beyond belief.

Merry Christmas, Everyone. And, I mean that.

The Afterlife

When I was in High School, there were quite a few "kids" who made life miserable for me. They would make fun of my clothes for not being the latest trends...my hair was always too long or too frizzy or too something...I had big lips (NOT in style when I was in school) so I was given endless grief and many non-repeatable nicknames...I was told often how ugly and stupid I was...I was considered too nerdy even for some of the nerds! The only thing that got me through (well, not the only thing...but a very strong motivator) was the knowledge that my life did not end at graduation. I focused on my life ahead...I wanted to be an awesome wife and mom...I wanted to become a writer and maybe one day teach other women. I had to put away any hopes of being liked in High School because that was never going to happen and, instead, set my sites on what my life would become later.
Here I am...later. I am a wife...I am a mom...I am a writer...I am a teacher. I am living the dream! So, why is it that I still listen to the voice of that High School girl inside of me? My husband tells me I'm beautiful and I instantly remember that first day of 10th Grade when a certain popular boy walked into Geometry and sat down next to me...he looked at me, realizing where he'd sat, gave my face a good going over, got up, and moved to another seat. I tell myself, "you're not beautiful!"
My kids tell me I'm so much fun to play with and I instantly remember that day in Athletics when all the girls in the lockerroom told me how I moved like a chicken having seizures and I'd never amount to anything, physically speaking. I tell myself, "you're no fun!"
I have one item published and another on its way to the publisher's as we speak and I instantly think of the laughter I received from always writing things so "stupid" in school. I tell myself, "no one will read this."
I have taught the ladies classes at church for years with more joy than I can put into words... and here is where it starts turning around. For me, the teacher will always learn more than her students. I teach these ladies from God's Word...the Word that says to never live in the past... to forgive...to love...to know that God is God. I am not beautiful, fun, smart, or instructive...without God. With Him, I am everything I've ever imagined and more. There is life after High School... but only when I live it!!!

Open the Present

Since the last post, my life has changed dramatically. Daddy has died; Rinette has died; Marvin has died. It's been the proverbial anvil dropping on our heads over and over. But you know what? I'm still here. I'm still waking up in the morning. I'm still washing clothes and cooking meals for my family. I'm still kissing boo-boos and spanking bottoms. I'm still making beds and sweeping floors. I'm still reading bedtime stories and tucking in sweet children. I'm still doing everything the day demands of me....I'm just doing it with more perspective than ever before. Everything matters now....much more than it did before. Each second of each day is a gift. I heard it said once that the present is just that...a present...we unwrap today as the gift that it is and we are grateful for everything it gives us.
I am determined to consider it pure joy. It's not really very hard most of the time.