A Fly on the Wall

We've been told, "I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house!"  Well, if you had been one last night, this is what you would've witnessed.

After Math Night and Choir Concert, the five of us arrived home tired, hungry, and a bit on the cranky side.  But there was work to be done.

Back up with me to 3:30 that afternoon.  I picked the kids up from school and as they were jabbering away in the backseat, Phoenix said, "Guess what.  We played Heads-Up Seven-Up in class today and I cheated and nobody knew!"

Um...what?!

I had just pulled into a parking place at Neighborhood Market where I'd hoped to do some very quick grocery-shopping.  I asked Phoenix, "You cheated?  For real?"

Phoenix said, "Yes ma'am."

I said, "Phoenix, did you think that was part of the game?  To try and cheat without anyone knowing it?"

With a little more solemnness, he said, "No ma'am."

I said, "So, you knew it was wrong and you cheated.  Okay.  I'm not as upset about that as I am the fact that you sounded proud of it."

We had fought off the other baskets and won our own squeaky-wheeled prize by this time and were headed for the lunchmeat.  I didn't want to have this conversation here.  So I said, "Phoenix this isn't okay.  We're going to talk about this tonight when we get home."

Working to put that on the back burner and now concentrate on unit prices, I heard Maggie tell Luke, "LUKE!  NO!  That's against God's Law!"  Now, those of you who know our family also know we are about the least judgmental people inside the Kingdom.  Tolerance and love weave together the blanket we all live under.  So I turned around and asked, "What in the world did he do?  Kill the can of peanuts?"

Maggie said, "He's singing Three is a Magic Number [from Schoolhouse Rock] and instead of singing 'A man and a woman had a little baby', he sang 'a mama and a woman had a little baby'!!"

So I said, "Maggie, lighten up.  Luke, don't sing it wrong."

Luke said, "Why is that wrong?"

And that's why those of you who decided to also do your grocery-shopping at the Neighborhood Market witnessed me having both the Sex Talk and the Homosexual Impossibility of Conceiving Children Talk right there in the frozen foods section.

"...It just won't work.  Sex is between a man and a woman.  Now, grab those frozen peas and let's go get shampoo."

The day was just beginning.

Flash forward now to 8:00 p.m.  We're home from our activities...tired...hungry...a little cranky.  Luke isn't great at sitting still for very long unless it involves mathematic revelations or some new form of rhetoric.  So, as he passed Maggie on his way to change into pajamas, he said, "You have a pretty voice, Maggie.  Good job singing.  Next time I might just want you to sing your song for me here at home though so I don't have to go and sit and watch and all that." Maggie just rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, as Mark scarfed down his supper, I filled him in on the Phoenix dilemma.  We decided to just get it over with.  While we were explaining what can happen to a person's heart when they begin to be okay with dishonesty, even something as trivial as a game of Heads-Up Seven-Up, the other two children had quietly come in and were listening too.  When we'd cried and hugged and assured Phoenix we love him, we heard Maggie crying.  I said, "What's the matter??"

She wailed, "I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!!!"  Mark and I exchanged glances that said, "buckle up."

Mark said, "Come here, Sweetheart.  Whatever it is, just relax and tell us.  You know we love you no matter what."

She said, "In Kindergarten, I cheated at Heads-Up Seven-Up too!  WAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!"

The mascara she wore for her concert was streaming down her face and I gave Mark a warning glance as I heard him mutter something about Alice Cooper.  We got her settled and I noticed that this had cheered Phoenix quite a bit.  He got a warning glance too.  We hugged them and told them they are good and not to be so hard on themselves and that we love them...go brush your teeth and go to bed.  But Maggie didn't budge.  She said, "There's more."  (I sent Luke to my bathroom to get make-up remover)

She proceeded to tell us about an assignment in Kindergarten she said she read but in fact had skimmed and a lie she'd told in second grade.

We couldn't laugh it off.  This was obviously very serious business to her.  It took about twenty minutes to assure her that she's a good person and we still love her. 

I told Mark that perhaps we'd made a mistake even broaching the subject of confession if this is what it brought.  He said, "No, it was good.  Funny, but good.  If they get it now, we won't have problems later." 

So, as is part of our teaching, if you tell us the truth, you will not be punished.  There will, however, be consequences.  The difference between punishment and consequences is important to know.  We punish for deceit.  We help them make the consequences of their deceit as painless as possible.  So, this morning, when I dropped the kids off at school, I walked with Phoenix to talk to his teacher.  He confessed to her that he had cheated.  She told him how proud she is of him and that she knows of no other 2nd Grader who would've had the courage to own up to his cheating.  Phoenix held back his tears stoically as she hugged him.  He looked at me and I saw the relief in his eyes.  It was over.  He'd gotten it all out and the worry and guilt were gone.

Such a little thing, cheating at Heads-up Seven-Up.  But I think if we'd let it go with a, "Well don't do that again," it wouldn't have had the same life-learning power.  We learn so much through our children.  If my son can bring his sin into the light at the risk of losing his teacher's respect, then surely I can do the same. 

In the fourth grade, I cheated at Heads-Up Seven-Up.  I'm sorry.