The Monsters in Disguise

I wonder how many of you out there realize there are monsters walking around beside you in your everyday life. These are people who are angry, irrational, rude, mean, and sometimes violent. I'm one of these monsters.

Without the aid of what I call my "Happy Pills," I am indeed a monster of great proportions. We're talking hairy face, long fangs, sharp claws...the works. Doctors call it depression with an emphasis on anger. I call it a pain in the neck. If I miss so much as one dose, I'm in danger of exploding. As long as I'm faithful, the pharmacy is faithful, the doctor's office is faithful...all goes well. But one little slip-up and I'm a freaking catastrophe.

There was one of these said slip-ups recently. If I refill my medicine too early, the insurance won't cover it. There's this small window of time during which I can refill it, have it covered, and keep everyone safe from harm. I must've gotten it refilled late last time because I had to wait until the very day I ran out to get the refill this time.

It's usually not a big deal, especially since I ran out in the middle of the week. Everyone's still working...no holidays or weekends to wait through. I just ran to the pharmacy and asked for a refill.

Well.

The doctor requires you to come in for an evaluation every year or so. On the prescription bottle, you see a little date at the bottom that explains you may have "x" number of refills until such-n-such date, at which time you will have to go in for that evaluation. Somehow, I'd let that time lapse WITHOUT the ever-loving evaluation. My doctor knows me very well and I can usually just call him and say, "I'm still mad as a hatter. Refill?" And it's all okay.

This time the pharmacy assured me it would be no problem for them to the call the doctor and have it all ready for me by the afternoon.

It wasn't.

And it still wasn't ready the next day.

Life goes on around us, with or without monster-preventing medication and that's exactly what happened this time. Life. There were things that needed attending to and these things completely took my mind off of the pharmacy for a few days. We headed into the weekend and then, my friends, all bets were off on me making it through unscathed.

I absolutely melted down. I don't exactly know why, but something made me start yelling and I'm pretty sure I didn't stop for 24 hours or so. Yelling. Crying. Yelling. Crying. Yelling some more. My poor family.

The fire coming out of the top of my head was NOT the Holy Spirit and only caused anyone close to me to burn horribly. I was a monster.

Well, I called my doctor's office and they told me NEVER to depend on the pharmacy to refill this delicate of a medication and I had that medication in my hands within a few hours. The monster is buried deep within me once again.

But I know it's there. And that's what bothers me. Without medication, I am none of the things my husband loves about me. Without medication, I am not even accessible to my children. Without medication, I forget God is here and ready to help me.

I hate the monster. I will live with it and fight it every day of my life. But I will never love it.

There are monsters walking among us. I'm one of those monsters.