Fat Girl Walking

I'm so fat. I decided this evening to go for a walk. I don't often have energy, but I thought I might make the block at least. I put on my shoes and hit the road. All the neighbors' dogs barked as I walked past their yards alerting their masters to something outside. Curtains were moved and blinds adjusted as people thought to themselves, "Oh, it's just that fat girl walking."

There were actually two fat girls walking but they could only see one. Mental Fat Girl was inside Physical Fat Girl. Mental Fat Girl was always there; even when Physical Fat Girl wasn't. I only just realized this on this particular walk. I knew other Physical Fat Girls...but they weren't all accompanied by Mental Fat Girl. They could believe in their inner beauty and they shone because of it. I also knew Mental Fat Girls whose bodies I'd give a thigh for. They obsessed about every ounce and always beat themselves up. So how did I come to be both girls at once?

As I walked the block, I took notice of the surroundings and how they affected me. There was the vehicle behind me, driving slow and waiting for a good place for either me to move over or him to drive around me. He was thinking, "I could move around you NOW if you weren't such a fatty!" Wait. That was Mental Fat Girl talking. Maybe he was thinking, "Good for you, Girl. I'm fine. Walk on!" I picked up my step. It was nice to think of him being an encouragement.

I met the elderly ladies who walk their little dogs every evening. In the past, on those rare occasions I'd walked before, I'd always look forward to running into them. They always wanted to visit and it was a great excuse to stop and rest. But wait. That's Physical Fat Girl talking. You don't get to rest, Fatso! I told the ladies I absolutely couldn't stop until I was at least three sizes smaller. They all smiled and pumped their fists and gave me a lot "that a girl" and "you can do it"! Wow! Discipline was good. I picked up my step.

I passed the "good ole boy" house. Always three or four guys in cowboy hats and jeans were standing by their pick-up trucks talking. They stopped talking as I approached. They simply stared quietly and waited until I was all the way to the corner to resume talking. They were thinking, "Good grief! She's a COW!" Wait. That's Mental Fat Girl again! No! It took me a bit to think of an alternative reason for their silence but then it hit me. They were simply giving me respect. They were thinking, "Good for you. Way to cowgirl up and take on your problems!" Yeah! I picked up my step.

I was nearing my house at this point. I'd gone the whole block. Three times around is a mile. I rarely did two times around. Usually, Fat Girls both wanted to waddle inside and be comforted by a husband who loves every inch of me unconditionally, by kids who see me as a hero, by clothes that stretch forgivingly. But, I decided it would be a lot easier to walk with one less girl. I spent the next round saying goodbye to Mental Fat Girl. I picked up my step.

As I neared my house again, I didn't even slow down. Mental Fat Girl was gone and Physical Fat Girl's days were numbered!

Fat Girl walked a mile this evening.